HELLO MY NAME IS MAGGIE :+)
im 19 whole years old and im in school for tomfoolery in a lighthearted manner
i like to write, draw, make puppets, and watch reviews of bad books :+)
this is sort of like my blog. i talk and stuff here but i also keep images and memories here.
2:24 PM, 9.11.2025
still uncomfortable. working on it by existing with it. looking at binders online. i feel like im talking like nothing burger and mothing im saying mkaes sense to anyone even when i feel like im being profound. i feel foggy and kind of misdirected in the way im speaking, but i cant seem to stop raising my hand. feels like im not in control of my body
1:03 PM, 9.10.2025
had an excellent therapy session. life feels confusing, but im working on it. trying to focus less on having a Set Aesthetic. when i think of myselt i think of henry, and that should NOT be occuring. i dont feel comfortable as a woman, but its not about gender really. wondering if i keep around my gender because it feels more comfortable than not knowing.i need to be okay with just Existing. last night when i was in my pajamas and in bed, i thought of myself merely as a concept and less of a Person who has to Present.. who am i? why am i acting this way? i think of myself as (embarrassingly enough) martin kinger 95% of the time and henry as the other 5%. rarely i feel like a woman unless i am actively being girly. that feels like a costume too.everything feels like a costume, and this is a bit performative of me too. all of this feels like its coming from the heart and not what im Supposed to say, and im happy about that. i think i was just born with a wonky sense of self, and gender identity has done nothing to help me. for now, i will keep my name the same and not do anything life-altering. i will not explain a thing to anyone or feel the need to justify it. i looked for authenticity for so long that i bastardized it a little bit, and now "authenticity" is whatever makes me feel comfortable, which is NOT true or how it should be..im trying to think less about the long-term and what that means, and more of what short-term holds for me. will i make myself happy, or will i make myself face the brutal truth that i might just feel a little weird sometimes? i dont have to be Liked and Perfect, and i dont have to be Weird and Different. just existing as me makes me uncomfortable. why dont i try that for a change? listing things i like below, whether thats about myself or my interests. i need to get more comfortable being a whole person and not just a perfect idea of what my gender identity Should Be.
category
information!
music:
tmbg, smiling broadly, weevildoing, the poni-tails, blink-182, alex g, penelope scott
interests:
puppets, homestuck, house md, jojo's bizarre adventure, collecting trinkets, danganronpa, SAW!!!!, adventure time
facts:
i like to sing. i like to draw. i like my favorite media a Normal Amount (lie). my favorite color is pink. my favorite song is a cover of cub's "new york city" by they might be giants. i like to sew. i like to watch shows with my friends. i love my friends :+)
harsh truths:
i am not anyone else but myself. i will not be changing my name. i am prone to episodes which make me feel like i have to change myself. i will not be changing anything about how people know me at the moment until i am sure of what i am feeling (or maybe at all). this is uncomfortable, and i am allowed to be uncomfortable.
4:05 PM, 9.8.2025
owen has had a rough past couple days. i cant help but worry for my sweet boy.
10:22 AM, 9.8.2025
had the most beautiful fall morning and now im forcing myself to do some work.. vraylar seems to be working well so far. im not super sad or super up, and ive been on exclusively vraylar for the past 5 days. it might actually work for me...a med that works :,,+) life is so beautiful never ever kys :,,,+) owen is in class rn and i felt like diary entry-ing. need to do my nails again.. seeing melanie in 2 days and we're gonna talk about more shit in my life. very excited to see her once more. went to erins birthday dinner last night, saw old friends, cleaning my room, met an amazing girl who dresses like its the 1980s. i NEED THAT FLOWER DRESS SO BADLY IM GONNA SCREAM.. its so beautiful and i hope it zips for moi. been feeling a bit scattered lately, but only in terms of space. i need to clean and do laundry and dry-clean some stuff. MOM DROPPED OFF SOUP im gonna cry its so delicious
1:29 PM, 9.4.2025
HELLOOO i have the shakes and im tired as well.. i feel like drawing but idk what to do draw.
1:29 PM, 9.2.2025
TODAY IS BETTER! A LOT HAPPENED! i skipped my eng class to get tabis and they fit me perfectly and i feel like a little deer in them. i love feeling like a little deer so much. insert deer noise here. (silence). I ALSO GOT LUNCH AND A COFFEE ! AND I TOOK VRAYLAR LAST NIGHT !
9:14 AM, 9.2.2025
YESTERDAY WAS ROUGH! A LOT HAPPENED! emotionally im fine but my food got messed up like 80 million times and i am so mad about it.. i deserve a yummy treat today. i already had a pumpkin spice coffee which was delicious and i DID DO MY NAILS ! im happy about that at least. im kind of tired? i woke up a lot after i got moving, so thats good, and im looking forward to the week now, which is a nice feeling. im currently listening to please please please let me get what i want (dream academy cover) and reflecting on things in a lecture hall. theres something profound there
10:09 AM, 8.28.2025
i really love I Really Wanted You by pansy divison. it makes me feel seen. i need to do my nails..... theyre getting gross. im currently trapped in a lecture hall and bored out of my gourd and wanting to rewatch saw. i wish it was raining and i wish that me and owen were out shopping rn. we might go later today however.. target here we come !! i think the coffee is making me feel anxious rn. guh. i changed my lockscreen to adam from saw ! MY STOMACH IS MAKING INSANELY LOUD NOISES RN OH MY GODDD WHAT THE FUCKKKK silent lecture hall and my stomach decided to make me sound like im shitting my pants every five seconds im gonna scream and kick (not really)
10:21 AM, 8.27.2025
I HAVE THERAPY WITH A NEW THERAPIST IN HALF AN HOUR. im really nervous. i miss owen and crew.. jann is in class with him and erin is somewhere else. it says she left home on life360, so im gonna trust that. i have an idea for a new oc.. ill make him real soon ..
